Secret Sins by Merlin Carothers
Chapter One: She Was Beautiful
She was beautiful. Every curve of her body screamed, "Look at me!" My first glance convinced me that I should look just a little longer. The longer I looked the more desirable she appeared. The lustful thoughts that flashed through my mind caused me to feel guilty, so I forced myself to look away. But then I realized that soon she might be out of sight; I might not get to see her again. I managed another quick glance. Yes, she was even more alluring than I had at first realized. Despite my best efforts, my eyes kept reveling in what they were seeing. I wondered what it would be like to...
Such scenarios as this were repeated many times over the years until, eventually, they became second nature to me. Images of scantily clothed women seized my attention often, and to my dismay, caused my mind to churn with desires that I didn't want anyone to know about. Was I abnormal? No. Nearly all men experienced the overpowering urge to enjoy the enticing arousal that attractive women can produce. Men enjoy these secret thoughts about women, and the more they enjoy such thoughts the more addicted to them they become. What few men realize is that every time they become sexually stimulated, a change takes place within them. Each occasion creates a desire for yet more stimulation. Eventually the body and mind crave ever-increasing stimulation. This change, however, takes place so subtly that most men don't realize what is happening.
Of course, some men feel no guilt when immoral thoughts flow through their minds; still they would not want their secret thoughts to be revealed. Repeatedly I prayed, "Oh God, please don't ever let me think such thoughts again!" And I was sure I wouldn't - and I didn't - until the next time my eyes beheld an especially beautiful woman. How deliciously enticing she was! Mmm...Then, once again, I determined to think only good thoughts. But after a while...So many good reasons for me to excuse myself. After every failure I prayed for forgiveness, but I wondered if I would ever find a way to not desire what I, in fact, did desire. I began to fear that I would never achieve such a challenging goal. Was there some evil force within me that was forcing me to think immoral thoughts? Or was I just a normal man suffering what is a natural part of man's carnal nature? Why, I asked, are men forced to wage such a never ending battle? Why did God permit us to sink into such a dark abyss? Why didn't He make it easier for us to look in the mirror and see a person who is not ashamed of his secret thoughts? And why did I feel guilty when I read: "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say?" (Lu. 6:46). I knew I was sincerely trying to obey Christ; yet I knew I was being disobedient. Second Peter 2:14 (TLB) was written for me: "No woman can escape their sinful stare." This painful dilemma continued for years - even after I became a pastor. I know that other pastors face this same distressing quandary.
This book "Secret Sins" was written by Mr. Carothers about his own struggle with impure thoughts and he gives lots of scriptures to help to fight the temptation and stand on God's word when tempted with impure thoughts. Excellent book and would highly recommend to anyone and everyone even if impure thoughts is not a struggle for you.P. M."Secret Sins" Amazon Review